A Broken Day

What else would you expect? It's the first day of summer camp and I should have known better than to look forward to it every year. I'm starting to question alot of the truths I've taught myself to depend on, yes, taught myself because despite Earl's leanings towards nature, it will always be about nurture for me.

Perhaps it's being a mother that allows me a special glimpse of life's beginning, a clear understanding that we don't magically appear on earth out of nowhere, we are brought into being. And then, we are raised, some more delicately than most, into adulthood, which is hopefully lived well, with the goal of more enjoyable flashbacks on our deathbeds.

Is it strange that I look forward to death, it only bothers me on days like today when I beg for it. That's as far out of my character as is possible, so there it is. Congratulations death, you and evil are able to lure me into admitting I'm wicked, a liar, and all the filthy rest. A sinner, I guess, to make things much simpler.

A few months back you'd have never convinced me I could fall this far. I'd never have chose it, I feel so misled, it's all on my plate now. Someday, despite my instincts, I'll be able to look back at June's first day of summer camp and not feel so bad. Until then, I reap what I've sowed.