The Future of Faith

Let's not pretend that I stay centered in my logic because I'm a centrist. That should be obvious, and transparent (that I had to look it up because I didn't know what it meant), but right. My faith in whatever I'm faithful in is usually correct, despite my better interests.

My better interests have always been my children, from the day I first realized that I could accidentally become a mother. Later came the thoughts that others could accidentally become mothers too, I'm a slow learner. And stability in the home has always been what Christianity, and Catholicism to be specific, has wrought.

I've never challenged that assumption, because mainly, I'd been working so hard at it. Persevering some might say, to a fault. Some would be surprised when I admit that much of this is due to Doctor Phil confirming my bad logic, which is that "the best revenge for others who wish you ill-will, is to live your best life." Or maybe it was Oprah and her "and, I'm black" show.

Regardless, I've never been perfect, I've often been wrong, but I like to think I've always been well-meaning. And dedicated to whatever I put my mind to, that's also true.

It's a stretch, being from a home where my parents divorced late in life, a stretch to assume that their divorce affected me in a negative way. In fact, when I heard my mom was leaving my dad I felt happy for her, but her guilt only heard disappointment and shaming.

She's held that opinion to this day, while my birth sister and her degree confirmed it, dangling one "I'll be open with my feelings" outburst over my head as if it's MY gestalt. It's not. HOA, as I like to say about it.

When I look at children, I do see stability as important. And consistency, well, if it's stimulating and not just boring, then that too. I want to have two more, you know siblings, and museums galore. Wait, wait,...what tangent did I just leap on? Oh great, there must be more.