Making friends worry

After such a successful stint of being the ever-available friend, even my BFF Jen's wondering where I went and how I am. Basically, trying to climb out from under the grief that's finally entering my consciousness, now that the shock has lessened its hold.

Last night I had the most tangible sense of Cooper's little newborn body as I held it (in my mind), and all sorts of realizations are coming about as far as celebrating life in this world. Each crisis is an opportunity for re-evaluation of long held beliefs, this period in life is no exception.

But I feel bad, because I'm even avoiding my real friends as I digest all that's within and around me. Mostly Americanos, flowers, and three year olds who smell good. Also though, letting the world be what it needs to be, as if the journey at one point mattered.