Won't you please be my apprentice?

I'm a shaman, oh, haven't I told you? Silly, I've never had to say it out loud, no ceremony to confirm it. Shamans just know. Sure, the weaker breed like myself have to sometimes read clouds, because talking to animals or asking for their bones can get you in trouble, I guess I'm too proud.

Unless you're Native American, and then you can just act drunk and then blame it on that. That's what my friends do, doesn't mean they can't give signs though. I love when my Native American brothers and sisters give signs, it's so meaningful.

You'll know you've arrived somewhere near shaman-status when you see an actual medicine bag that belongs to your enemy. And he's still alive, because you chose not to kill him, just messed with his ego. I thank M.J. for that.

Also, getting drunk with them and attending their weddings, thanks Whitney, and Shelley and Shawn (the marine). Total giveaways to be privileged and honored, I've been to a few.

Natives know a shaman when they can't help but keep tripping over them. Having nothing to do with acid or peyote, or clumsy walking, more with just laughter. That's the whole joke.

We all have our paths, dont'cha know? I have studied in addition to my automatic acceptance, even sacrificed a beloved token, still breaks my heart, it was a turtle. Left it in the parking lot at Target, thought some kid might find it and say, "oh, a treasure!"

Really, my life was as much of a wreck as it ever could get, all of society and my closest relatives had turned on me, the turtle was all I had left. I sensed the Natives saw it, way less than ten years ago. Packaged in a velvet bag, not sure the color though.

Boy have I been through some dirty rivers in my lifetime, and I've yet to find a good buddy who wants to know. Most just set me on a pedestal, prefer I stay quiet. It's a rare bird of the Native variety who lends me their spirit, or allows me my quiet.

It's important to learn about their culture, their drums and other instruments, their dances, their tribes. They keep their own race pure, such amazing commitment considering how popular pastels are these days. And yes, reservation-born aggressive white girls.

I love Native Americans, and can't help but cherish being surrounded by them. I'd give them a whole drum set if I had the money or the time. Oh well, hopefully my turtle will be enough. And honor, I'll honor Native Americans all the time.