Women in my situation do this all the time, despite the threadbare recommendations of psychologists who get paid to know better. Soon as I heal, I reclaim all my hope. You see non-celebrity friends who are real, one can't live in good Christian conscience without walking that quiverful walk all the way to its heaven-sent end.
It's the saddest state I've ever looked in the mirror and seen my own self in. After all these years of never needing to look anywhere but inside, each glance into the reflective surface makes me realize, some people can't look away. I can. I always have (mirrors lie and are evil).
It's an earlier liberation than I'd planned for, completely healed TWO MONTHS BEFORE I have to actually enter the pit called hell, and smile broadly, and be grateful. And able without apology, or even an unnecessary quotation mark (will replace exclamations altogether), to believe again in my own self. Without the preconditions I never asked for or invited in the first place.
God bless my family.
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